Home > gym, personal trainer, random stuff, resistance training, running > Part of the anger and hatred…

Part of the anger and hatred…

Some of you may remember reading this post here. I do know that this situation, that turned our world around, has a part to play in all the anger and hatred I have stuck inside of me. My dad’s death of course is the main, major parts. I feel that it will be okay now to explain a bit about this situation to you guys, and maybe help to clear some of it out of my system by talking about it.

My oldest daughter (18 years) had been dating this boy for almost two years. The WHOLE family, including my dad and my grandmother, just absolutely loved this kid. He was kind, caring, helpful, you name it. I so totally thought he would be my son in law, give me beautiful grand kids, and give my daughter the happy life she deserves. He had great ambitions for his life, not a lazy loser like most of the other guys his age here in town. Well, he played us all. We found out, when my daughter was at the point of suicide, that this boy we cared for so much, had been physically abusing my daughter for about 5 months. On a daily basis. He threatened her of course like is almost always the case, not to tell us or the police. They always had a good excuse for the bloody noses or scratches on her neck. A good excuse for the breaking of her foot. Her dad and I always felt a little suspicion about these excuses but always believed our daughter when we questioned her. Finally after a huge fight on the phone with him, and my questioning some of the things I had overheard, my daughter broke down and told everything.

This happened one week before I lost my dad. So I was still in the process of processing this whole situation, dealing with the police, my daughters grief and the rest of the families grief too. I felt totally betrayed, hurt, angry. I had to keep my hubby from going and killing him (though I wanted nothing more at the time either). Then I lost my dad. And this boy had the nerve to see if he could come over to see if my daughter and I were alright from the loss of my dad. He knew how much my dad meant to me. Asshole!!! One thing my daughter and I agree upon is that my dad had not had to time to learn the truth about this boy before he died. I was going to tell him later on in the week but thankful now that I never did. It would have broken his heart.

So now you guys can understand a little bit more about where my mind is coming from, why I am so totally screwed up right now. I hate feeling this way all the time but, I do know it will take time to heal. I think it would be easier if I wasn’t the one who has to deal with my dad’s estate, which is a daily, hourly, minutely reminder of the fact my dad is gone. And I have to do it alone as my other sister who could help lives 16 hours away, so not there to help me clean out the house, to sell it, to deal with dads bills ect. I do have a half sister but, she is young, confused, and doesn’t understand a thing that is going on. Plus, she had only been back in my dad’s life for about a year, so really doesn’t know dad. Very hard. And it hurts just as much now as it did then.

————————————

Now to some happier stuff,

Yesterday was mine and hubby’s first day without our trainer because he had to go out of town for the week. Our trainer made sure we knew what we have to do for the week. What a difference though, between the kicking of our own asses, and the kicking of our asses by our trainer. Hurry up and get back!!! 🙂

We did pretty good on our own but, it felt like we were babies learning to walk. So much prefer the trainer! LOL. I got some running in and some elliptical for my cardio and then a good hour or more of weight training for our upper body. The resistance training has now become my favorite part of my workouts. I look forward to my time with the weights. And, scary to admit, I am actually enjoying doing ab work!  Yikes! LOL.  And I can hold a plank for a whopping 50 secs! Today is leg day and as much as I hate lunges, I will do them per trainers orders. I did ask for a tight butt and he said he would give me one, so I better do as told! 😉 Besides, hubby will tattle on me if I don’t! LOL.

Okay, enough of my boring banter. Hope everyone is doing well with their eating and workouts. Keep up your great work.

My daughters took pics of me running yesterday and insisted I post them. So here they are:

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  1. May 4, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    I don’t even have the right words to say how sorry I am for the loss of your dad, and the horrible experience your daughter had to endure.

    I will be thinking of you. Either thing would be hard to deal with, but both at once has got to be so hard.

    Take care,
    Diane

  2. May 5, 2010 at 3:18 am

    Concerning your dad, I’m sorry for your loss. I know it’s easier said than done, but another way to look at dealing with cleaning your dad’s house is just to remember all the good memories and times your dad spent there. I know it’s so much easier for me to say since I’m not in your shoes. So keep trying to see the silver lining.

    As for your daughter’s asshole of a boyfriend, that’s just messed up. I hope your daughter is coping with the situation as best as she can, and that you and your husband are dealing with it as best as you can. I’m sure it’s a stressful situation and I can’t even begin to imagine.

    But I’m glad that on top of all of that stress, you made it to the gym and worked out hard and followed your trainer’s orders. I love lifting. It empowers me and I just take out my aggression on my muscles. Sounds kind of masochistic, but it works. Nice job on the planks!

    Keep your head up and stay as strong as you can.

  3. May 6, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Oh my – I don’t even know what to say about the pure hell your daughter had to endure. Asshole doesn’t even begin to describe him! Karyn, so much makes sense now. You need time to really grieve -both the loss of your dad and for what happened to your daughter. I think you are on the right track. I read your post too about not doing the half, and as sad as it makes you, if you feel it is the right decision, then it probably is. You know yourself better than anyone.

    You’ll get through all of this and be a stronger woman because of it. I believe that. And so will your daughter! I love seeing the pics of you running … look at that smile!

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