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Archive for December, 2010

Merry Christmas

December 25, 2010 1 comment

Merry Christmas everyone!

This is the first Christmas in about 10 years that I have not had my dad with us. And also the first Christmas on my own. It was a very emotional morning for my kids and I with the holiday situation so changed. Two out of the four of us ended up in tears, cause we were all in fragile emotional states and ended up arguing with each other. After the tears though we managed to make up and have been very much enjoying the day with each other. I love my kids more than anything and having them all here together is wonderful.

I also received a surprise phone call from an old friend from 20 years ago. He and I worked together and thought about dating until I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. That shot the dating right out of the water and I ended up marrying her father ( the one I am now separated from ). It was a very pleasant surprise to get that phone call. The last time I talked to him was just before I got married 18 years ago. We may get together to do something for New Years.

I have been keeping up with my gym workouts though I have gained 10 lbs back. I know it is because of all the stress I have been under as well as the emotional junk food eating I have been doing. I have requested that my trainer write me up a eating plan to hopefully get me back on track with my healthy eating. I have decided that I do want to do a figure competition, and that is going to require some real dedication to eating and workouts on my part.

Well, nothing much to say for today. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas with their loved ones and that Santa was good to you!

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Categories: random stuff

Funny how life works

December 5, 2010 3 comments

It’s funny how that now I am away from my husband, on my own, my friends are finding their way back into my life. For many years, my friends slowly gravitated away from me and my life. Now that I am on my own, they seem to be coming back. And the funny thing is, they had no idea I had left my husband. One of my friends I haven’t talked to in 20 years and we have stumbled upon each other again the past couple of days. My best friend who moved away 8 years ago and we lost contact, ran across my daughter a couple of weeks ago and we are now back in contact. Another one has recently moved to the city here and contacted us yesterday to get together. She also had no idea about my separation.  It is good though cause I have outlets for my frustration and fear now. Good friends are the BEST! To me it goes to show that there is someone up there watching out for us and helping us when we need it the most.

My friend once said to me a statement she had heard somewhere: ‘You never know how strong you really are until you need to be”  That is so true for my life right now. For years I was afraid to leave, didn’t think I was strong enough to do it. But I proved myself wrong and I have seen how strong I really can be. And it is the best decision I have ever made in my life!

So nothing else to say for now. I am cooking dinner for my daughter and I and then will be heading of to the gym for a friends workout with my trainer (that means I don’t need to pay for it cause we are working out together). Oh, and by the way, I now live only about a mile from my gym so my daughter and I can rollerblade or bike there in the spring and summer. I love it and love the gas I am saving. LOL.

 

Categories: Uncategorized

A new life

December 1, 2010 3 comments

Hello all my dear friends out there who have wondered where I have been.

Things have not been great for me. Actually my world kind of fell apart. In amongst my constant internal personal struggle  with the loss of my dad, my husband kicked my teenage daughter out of the family home and gave me the choice between her or him. If she stayed, he would leave. I had two other children to think about as well as how we would manage and survive without their father, without the income.

After-wards, my husband just wasn’t himself, it was like I was living with a stranger. I was getting absolutely no support from his end over the death of my father or any help in any way with trying to deal with his estate. Things really haven’t been good between my husband and I for many years now. And I just could not forgive him over making me choose between him and my daughter, the same daughter who had just got out of an abusive relationship and the head trauma that cost her her short term memory……….

In the end, last month my youngest daughter and I left my husband. We moved from the small town we lived in into the city. And I have to admit that I am terrified……..that I wont make it on my own, that I wont be able to support myself and my daughter. I have my part time job but I will need to find another, or a full time one that will be sure to cover all our costs. And the crazy thing about all of this is that all three of my children are in agreement that this was the best decision for me to have made. They have seen how I have been treated these years by my husband and feel that I need and deserve to be happy.

For now, I am still attending the gym as my health and fitness have become a major part of my life and something I absolutely need to continue with right now. I have a lot of anger, and hate and grief built up inside me and the gym is my escape, my source of stress relief. I still also have my fantastic personal trainer, who thinks I should enter next years figure competition. And, over the course of our training sessions since last April, my trainer and I have become very good friends and he is a major source of support and shoulder to cry on. I wont be able to afford him after a couple more weeks though if I don’t manage to find another job. And believe me, I have looked and looked and applied and applied, and nothing. I would absolutely miss our training sessions together which is our time together to talk and don’t believe we would be able to get together as friends after-wards as his wife is extremely jealous of me.

So my friends, that is where I have been, and what has been going on with me. I am planning to get back to here, where I have you friends and I can vent and get support. I hope you guys are still all hanging around. It’ll take me a heck of a long time to catch up with all of you but I’m getting started right away. Hope to hear from you guys.

 

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