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A new life

Hello all my dear friends out there who have wondered where I have been.

Things have not been great for me. Actually my world kind of fell apart. In amongst my constant internal personal struggle  with the loss of my dad, my husband kicked my teenage daughter out of the family home and gave me the choice between her or him. If she stayed, he would leave. I had two other children to think about as well as how we would manage and survive without their father, without the income.

After-wards, my husband just wasn’t himself, it was like I was living with a stranger. I was getting absolutely no support from his end over the death of my father or any help in any way with trying to deal with his estate. Things really haven’t been good between my husband and I for many years now. And I just could not forgive him over making me choose between him and my daughter, the same daughter who had just got out of an abusive relationship and the head trauma that cost her her short term memory……….

In the end, last month my youngest daughter and I left my husband. We moved from the small town we lived in into the city. And I have to admit that I am terrified……..that I wont make it on my own, that I wont be able to support myself and my daughter. I have my part time job but I will need to find another, or a full time one that will be sure to cover all our costs. And the crazy thing about all of this is that all three of my children are in agreement that this was the best decision for me to have made. They have seen how I have been treated these years by my husband and feel that I need and deserve to be happy.

For now, I am still attending the gym as my health and fitness have become a major part of my life and something I absolutely need to continue with right now. I have a lot of anger, and hate and grief built up inside me and the gym is my escape, my source of stress relief. I still also have my fantastic personal trainer, who thinks I should enter next years figure competition. And, over the course of our training sessions since last April, my trainer and I have become very good friends and he is a major source of support and shoulder to cry on. I wont be able to afford him after a couple more weeks though if I don’t manage to find another job. And believe me, I have looked and looked and applied and applied, and nothing. I would absolutely miss our training sessions together which is our time together to talk and don’t believe we would be able to get together as friends after-wards as his wife is extremely jealous of me.

So my friends, that is where I have been, and what has been going on with me. I am planning to get back to here, where I have you friends and I can vent and get support. I hope you guys are still all hanging around. It’ll take me a heck of a long time to catch up with all of you but I’m getting started right away. Hope to hear from you guys.


Categories: Uncategorized
  1. December 2, 2010 at 5:28 am

    I was really happy when I saw your comment on my blog, WELCOME BACK! You’ve been really missed.

    I’m sorry things have been so rough for you, but I’m glad you have your outlet (in the gym, and hopefully here) and I think it’s great that you were able to get out of a toxic relationship like that. I know it has to be hard, but I think in the end it will be so much better.

  2. December 3, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    YIKES! I have been trying to get here since you commented on my blog but have been running around.

    HOLY COW!!! I am so glad that you have been able to keep fitness part of your life thru this & I am sure it helped the stress! Very tough times & also not seeing 2 of your kids too… or maybe you are, I hope! Hope they are OK too since he may not be the best influence for them…

    I hope things get better. I understand the work thing as I am locking & nothing out there right now.. very tough!

    Hang in there! Sound like you are doing your best!

  3. December 5, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    I have had you on my mind a lot over the last several months. I am really sorry to hear of the struggles you are having right now. I cannot imagine dealing with the personal family struggles on top of dealing with my Dad’s death. I know it must be very scary to make changes like this, but I am sure you are going to make it just fine. Keep your chin up!

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