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Sticking it out…

June 30, 2010 6 comments

In spite of all the crap that 2010 is throwing at my family this year and presently this week, I am sticking it out at the gym. I am making sure that I go each day regardless of the fact that my trainer is on holidays and I am under extreme stress. My working out at the gym is my way of burning off the stress and I feel SO much better afterwards. That is one of the main things I have learned over the past few months, that my intense workouts, running and weight lifting, relieves my stress, tension and frustration and I am a much happier person, able to deal with things. Today however I skipped the gym in order to hit the nearest Lululemon store to catch some of the crop pants on sale before they all sold out!


I bought all three (though the third one was not on sale) and a new power Y tank. And the great surprise was that I could go down another size in the pants! Yipey. Lululemon could very, very easily become an addiction for me. I absolutely LOVE their clothing but it is NOT in my budget so it is a rare treat when I can go shop there. You lulu lovers out there know what I mean! ๐Ÿ™‚ I guess I will have to put my other lulu tank tops on Kijiji to sell as they are getting to big for me now.

So tomorrow will be my leg day at the gym since I missed out on today. One of the exercises I do is the squat on a bosu ball while holding some weights or a medicine ball. Working my legs is my favorite workout of the week. Tough but, if I want the rear, I need to do the work! LOL.

okay with it…

May 25, 2010 4 comments

…my decision not the run the half marathon. I would have run it on Sunday the 23rd. I thought that once the day rolled by, I would be pissed at myself for not giving it a try. But I did know that I wasn’t in the right place for it in my head, or heart. I am so okay with it that my run yesterday was awesome, faster that usual, like I was free. I am thinking that the pressure of trying to train for it as well as grief I am feeling over the loss of my dad was just to much. I didn’t run a full 5 k straight, as I am sure I was running faster that usual and needed walk breaks but, it was the first time I was able to think of my dad while running without the big ball of grief and anger building up and stopping my run like usual. So I think the pressure of training for the half was hampering my runs since I really wasn’t ready in my head for the run. That’s okay though…I am okay with it and will aim for something later.

The gym yesterday was fantastic. It was weird though. Just as I arrived at the gym, I felt very dizzy and of balance. Kind of freaked my out but figured it was from all the junk I ate throughout the weekend and big, big lack of water through the weekend. I decided to head on in anyways, drink some water, and see if it would go away. Funny that while I RAN, I was fine. But, when I stopped to walk, I was VERY loopy. I don’t understand that! I was a little concerned that I wouldn’t be able to have my chest, shoulder, tri workout with my trainer. But once I got started with him, I felt much better except for when doing the stability ball crunches. The up and down movement made me very unbalanced on the ball from the dizziness. Weird. Everything else was fine though.

Funny story: My trainer admitted to me that he had eaten very crappy during the weekend, many chips ect.. So I admitted to him that I had done the same, though it would mean and extra tough ass kicking workout for me! (I deserved it though! ) Anyways, he introduced a move for the abs called ‘mountain climber’ to me ( I am sure some of you know exactly was this move is!) Very, very tough!ย  While doing my third set ofย  super sets with shoulder presses and ‘mountain climbers’, I finally turned and asked my trainer if he was making ME work off HIS chips!! ๐Ÿ™‚ LOL. I thought planks were bad enough! He sure did give me an extra tough ass kicking workout. My stress is gone though! ๐Ÿ™‚

Here’s a video of mountain climber: my trainer had me do them more slowly with a firmer core and more concentrated focus so there was no bouncing. Tough, tough on the abs!

Aaahhh…….

May 21, 2010 3 comments

A day of rest. Today I have to do absolutely nothing! ๐Ÿ™‚ I donโ€™t have to work, donโ€™t have any errands to do, nothing regarding my dadโ€™s estate today, no gym (itโ€™s a rest day), no driving, nothing! I can stay in my p.jโ€™s all day if I choose which I think I will. It is cold and windy today so it is a perfect day to stay inside, cozy with a blanket on the couch while a catch up on blogs, and drink some green tea (which I havenโ€™t had in weeks!)

Yesterdays workout on the track at the gym was fun. My youngest daughter came with me (she just loves the track), and instead of just running, she had me skipping laps around theย ย ย ย  track. Not with a skipping rope but, the kind of skipping happy, carefree 10 year olds do while singing and skipping their way to their best friends house! ๐Ÿ™‚ And let me tell you, what a workout!! It is tough to skip your way around a lap. And while skipping away, I thought of Miz and her playground workouts and this post from Jodi which features a video showing a recess workout for adults. My daughter and I got a few funny looks but it was super fun and one tough workout. I was dead at the end. We would alternate skip a lap with walk a lap for a few laps and then would run a couple. Tough!! You should grab your daughters or nieces and go out and give it a try. ๐Ÿ™‚

Good run!

May 7, 2010 2 comments

Finally, finally I was able to get in a good run last night. Sure it was only 5k but it has been a while since I was able to comfortably run 5k. I decided to run on the track at the gym instead of the treadmill as I figured my hubby was a big enough boy now to handle the treadmill/elliptical area of the gym all by himself. ๐Ÿ˜‰ย  It turned out to be a great decision. I don’t know if it was the having to count my laps around the track that kept my mind distracted or the incredibly gross smell of too many sweating men on the track but, either way, I don’t think my dad entered my mind even once, which meant I could breathe and didn’t have that horrific anger ball override my insides. And I had to do my run music less since I was re-calibrating my ipod (my ipod and the treadmills seem to be way off ) and the stupid gadget decided to die on me right in the middle. So lucky me gets to try it again next time! But it was fantastic to get a good run in.

After my run I got a pleasant surprise. My trainer was back!! ๐Ÿ™‚ There is nothing like seeing his gorgeous, beaming smile at you that makes you smile just a brightly back and seems to make the whole day a day a sunshine and okayness. (I know that’s not really a word, it just does a good job of describing what I mean. And for us girls–he is by far in my opinion, the best dam looking guys in the gym!) He hauled ass to get home from the city he had to go to. He has the same opinion of the place that I do. Not somewhere you like or want to be. So we are touching base this weekend to see where we are at and when to get started together again. I am excited, so much fun working hard with him.

Yesterday was leg day for me and I have to admit that I sure kicked my own ass! I feel it today, a good feeling. And, shock/gasp, I am starting to not dread or hate those lunges so much! Hubby and I basically went our own ways which was good because he can sometimes hamper my workouts. He doesn’t like some of the exercises we are supposed to do and won’t do them and expects me not to do them either just because he isn’t. Too f-n bad. I am there for results, one being a tight ass! LOLย  I guess I will have to be the snitch this time and tattle on my hubby. He, he ๐Ÿ˜‰

Okay, I am off. I have to make an unsceduled trip to may dad’s to deal with a mouse problem there seems to be and to check up on things after all those winter storms they got last week. Take care.

Part of the anger and hatred…

May 4, 2010 3 comments

Some of you may remember reading this post here. I do know that this situation, that turned our world around, has a part to play in all the anger and hatred I have stuck inside of me. My dad’s death of course is the main, major parts. I feel that it will be okay now to explain a bit about this situation to you guys, and maybe help to clear some of it out of my system by talking about it.

My oldest daughter (18 years) had been dating this boy for almost two years. The WHOLE family, including my dad and my grandmother, just absolutely loved this kid. He was kind, caring, helpful, you name it. I so totally thought he would be my son in law, give me beautiful grand kids, and give my daughter the happy life she deserves. He had great ambitions for his life, not a lazy loser like most of the other guys his age here in town. Well, he played us all. We found out, when my daughter was at the point of suicide, that this boy we cared for so much, had been physically abusing my daughter for about 5 months. On a daily basis. He threatened her of course like is almost always the case, not to tell us or the police. They always had a good excuse for the bloody noses or scratches on her neck. A good excuse for the breaking of her foot. Her dad and I always felt a little suspicion about these excuses but always believed our daughter when we questioned her. Finally after a huge fight on the phone with him, and my questioning some of the things I had overheard, my daughter broke down and told everything.

This happened one week before I lost my dad. So I was still in the process of processing this whole situation, dealing with the police, my daughters grief and the rest of the families grief too. I felt totally betrayed, hurt, angry. I had to keep my hubby from going and killing him (though I wanted nothing more at the time either). Then I lost my dad. And this boy had the nerve to see if he could come over to see if my daughter and I were alright from the loss of my dad. He knew how much my dad meant to me. Asshole!!! One thing my daughter and I agree upon is that my dad had not had to time to learn the truth about this boy before he died. I was going to tell him later on in the week but thankful now that I never did. It would have broken his heart.

So now you guys can understand a little bit more about where my mind is coming from, why I am so totally screwed up right now. I hate feeling this way all the time but, I do know it will take time to heal. I think it would be easier if I wasn’t the one who has to deal with my dad’s estate, which is a daily, hourly, minutely reminder of the fact my dad is gone. And I have to do it alone as my other sister who could help lives 16 hours away, so not there to help me clean out the house, to sell it, to deal with dads bills ect. I do have a half sister but, she is young, confused, and doesn’t understand a thing that is going on. Plus, she had only been back in my dad’s life for about a year, so really doesn’t know dad. Very hard. And it hurts just as much now as it did then.

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Now to some happier stuff,

Yesterday was mine and hubby’s first day without our trainer because he had to go out of town for the week. Our trainer made sure we knew what we have to do for the week. What a difference though, between the kicking of our own asses, and the kicking of our asses by our trainer. Hurry up and get back!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

We did pretty good on our own but, it felt like we were babies learning to walk. So much prefer the trainer! LOL. I got some running in and some elliptical for my cardio and then a good hour or more of weight training for our upper body. The resistance training has now become my favorite part of my workouts. I look forward to my time with the weights. And, scary to admit, I am actually enjoying doing ab work!ย  Yikes! LOL.ย  And I can hold a plank for a whopping 50 secs! Today is leg day and as much as I hate lunges, I will do them per trainers orders. I did ask for a tight butt and he said he would give me one, so I better do as told! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Besides, hubby will tattle on me if I don’t! LOL.

Okay, enough of my boring banter. Hope everyone is doing well with their eating and workouts. Keep up your great work.

My daughters took pics of me running yesterday and insisted I post them. So here they are:

A sad decision

May 3, 2010 6 comments

I have made a decision that makes me very sad but, is probably the right one for me for now.

I have decided not to run the half marathon in Penticton, BC on May 23rd. My reasoning for this may seem weird to you guys.

You know how on the “Biggest Loser” show, many of the contestants have deep seeded issues that have, over the years, affected theie weight and their ability to lose it? At first I thought it was all a crock! How could someone’s feelings keep them from LOSING weight? Gaining the weight I understand, as I am also an emotional eater. But for your emotions and where your head is at to hamper your efforts to lose? Bull!

Well, after many days of self-reflection and evaluation, I have decided that I believe in the notion that your emotions, where your head is at, can absolutely hamper your efforts. But, in my case, it is not really in my weight loss effort. It is in my running.

I used to LOVE to run. Could run 10km no problem. Was aiming for the Peach City half marathon. But since my dad passed, I can’t run. I try, and try but, once I get going, feel as if I am going to explode. I have one hell of an extreme amount of anger and hatred built up inside that I thought running would help to get out. But, when I start to run, I feel as if all the anger and hatred sucks right up into a huge hard ball inside and I am going to burst. My heart, my soul, my head. I can’t breathe, so I can’t run. I can’t even manage to run the 5km I used to run regularly. Before and as I am heading out, I feel like I can’t wait to get out there and go, just run. But, once that anger ball hits, I hate running with a passion and want nothing more than to quit.

I don’t understand this as my father and my running had nothing to do with each other. My running is how I worked out my grief of losing my mom last year. So what is wrong now? I do not want to quit running. Because right now as I write this, I still love running. But that lasts until about 2 mins into my run when my dad pops in my head and that exploding ball forms in my core, my whole self. I really don’t know what to do about this. I thought time would make it better but, it just seems to be getting worse.

So I made the sad decision, and it does make me want to cry, to not run the half. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I am still thinking of heading there for a vacation though, to lay on the beaches and soak up some sun, just hubby and I. Maybe he can help to heal my broken heart if we are away from the stresses of the kids and dealing with my dad’s stuff. Right now, with my heart still so broken, I can’t even seem to show my own family any love. I have tried but, it just makes me more miserable to try. And a miserable mom, makes for a miserable family. They only times I feel even remotely happy now, is when I am at the gym getting the anger beat and kicked out of me. Then I can smile for awhile and feel like things will be okay.

I apologize for the emotional, depressing post but, sometimes we need to let it out. And it does really make me sad to have made that decision because I was so looking forward to it but, I think it is the right one for now.

Categories: gym, random stuff, running

Session two

April 9, 2010 5 comments

Yesterday was my second session with my personal trainer. It was back day and wow, what a back workout he gave hubby and I. I do think absolutely every back muscle I have was worked and it felt great, and feels great today too. Just the perfect amount of muscle soreness, so you know you had a great workout but, not overdone.

BackMuscles

What a difference too with our trainer compared to when just hubby and I do it on our own. His back routine really worked us out compared to what hubby and I would have done. I love it! ๐Ÿ™‚

I also tried out a new way to do back extensions. This way was so much more effective than the way I was used to doing it and I now have a new favourite exercise.

back extension bench 

         back extension

 

 

 

 

Working my lower back has always helped out at work where we are on our feet 7 out of 8 hours in the day. I found that my lower back was not getting sore during the day. But I was always using the seated back extension, which is also good, but, I find I like this angle bench back extension bench much better!

I also had a good 5K run on the treadmill, my first run in about two weeks. It felt SO great and so familiar. It would be nicer to have more time on the machines at the gym to get a longer run in but, I just may have to shuffle things around at home to get my own treadmill set back up to get the longer runs in. Or, maybe the gosh darned weather could co-operate and get warm enough again to run outside!

And for the first time in a long time, after my awesome day of working out, I felt totally stress free. ๐Ÿ™‚ So today has been a great, stress relieved day.