Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!

This is the first Christmas in about 10 years that I have not had my dad with us. And also the first Christmas on my own. It was a very emotional morning for my kids and I with the holiday situation so changed. Two out of the four of us ended up in tears, cause we were all in fragile emotional states and ended up arguing with each other. After the tears though we managed to make up and have been very much enjoying the day with each other. I love my kids more than anything and having them all here together is wonderful.

I also received a surprise phone call from an old friend from 20 years ago. He and I worked together and thought about dating until I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. That shot the dating right out of the water and I ended up marrying her father ( the one I am now separated from ). It was a very pleasant surprise to get that phone call. The last time I talked to him was just before I got married 18 years ago. We may get together to do something for New Years.

I have been keeping up with my gym workouts though I have gained 10 lbs back. I know it is because of all the stress I have been under as well as the emotional junk food eating I have been doing. I have requested that my trainer write me up a eating plan to hopefully get me back on track with my healthy eating. I have decided that I do want to do a figure competition, and that is going to require some real dedication to eating and workouts on my part.

Well, nothing much to say for today. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas with their loved ones and that Santa was good to you!

Funny how life works

It’s funny how that now I am away from my husband, on my own, my friends are finding their way back into my life. For many years, my friends slowly gravitated away from me and my life. Now that I am on my own, they seem to be coming back. And the funny thing is, they had no idea I had left my husband. One of my friends I haven’t talked to in 20 years and we have stumbled upon each other again the past couple of days. My best friend who moved away 8 years ago and we lost contact, ran across my daughter a couple of weeks ago and we are now back in contact. Another one has recently moved to the city here and contacted us yesterday to get together. She also had no idea about my separation.  It is good though cause I have outlets for my frustration and fear now. Good friends are the BEST! To me it goes to show that there is someone up there watching out for us and helping us when we need it the most.

My friend once said to me a statement she had heard somewhere: ‘You never know how strong you really are until you need to be”  That is so true for my life right now. For years I was afraid to leave, didn’t think I was strong enough to do it. But I proved myself wrong and I have seen how strong I really can be. And it is the best decision I have ever made in my life!

So nothing else to say for now. I am cooking dinner for my daughter and I and then will be heading of to the gym for a friends workout with my trainer (that means I don’t need to pay for it cause we are working out together). Oh, and by the way, I now live only about a mile from my gym so my daughter and I can rollerblade or bike there in the spring and summer. I love it and love the gas I am saving. LOL.

 

A new life

Hello all my dear friends out there who have wondered where I have been.

Things have not been great for me. Actually my world kind of fell apart. In amongst my constant internal personal struggle  with the loss of my dad, my husband kicked my teenage daughter out of the family home and gave me the choice between her or him. If she stayed, he would leave. I had two other children to think about as well as how we would manage and survive without their father, without the income.

After-wards, my husband just wasn’t himself, it was like I was living with a stranger. I was getting absolutely no support from his end over the death of my father or any help in any way with trying to deal with his estate. Things really haven’t been good between my husband and I for many years now. And I just could not forgive him over making me choose between him and my daughter, the same daughter who had just got out of an abusive relationship and the head trauma that cost her her short term memory……….

In the end, last month my youngest daughter and I left my husband. We moved from the small town we lived in into the city. And I have to admit that I am terrified……..that I wont make it on my own, that I wont be able to support myself and my daughter. I have my part time job but I will need to find another, or a full time one that will be sure to cover all our costs. And the crazy thing about all of this is that all three of my children are in agreement that this was the best decision for me to have made. They have seen how I have been treated these years by my husband and feel that I need and deserve to be happy.

For now, I am still attending the gym as my health and fitness have become a major part of my life and something I absolutely need to continue with right now. I have a lot of anger, and hate and grief built up inside me and the gym is my escape, my source of stress relief. I still also have my fantastic personal trainer, who thinks I should enter next years figure competition. And, over the course of our training sessions since last April, my trainer and I have become very good friends and he is a major source of support and shoulder to cry on. I wont be able to afford him after a couple more weeks though if I don’t manage to find another job. And believe me, I have looked and looked and applied and applied, and nothing. I would absolutely miss our training sessions together which is our time together to talk and don’t believe we would be able to get together as friends after-wards as his wife is extremely jealous of me.

So my friends, that is where I have been, and what has been going on with me. I am planning to get back to here, where I have you friends and I can vent and get support. I hope you guys are still all hanging around. It’ll take me a heck of a long time to catch up with all of you but I’m getting started right away. Hope to hear from you guys.

 

Leg workout and a fresh garden salad…

Finally, finally I was about to enjoy some of the produce out of my garden. It has been a slow going start for my garden this year as the weather could not meet and settle with a nice growing temperature for the little seeds to take hold. Either it was way to chilly or smoking hot, both of which have negative affects on little seeds and seedlings trying to get their start. But yesterday I was able to collect these to have in a fresh salad:

Radishes

Romaine Lettuce

spinach

I also added some yellow and red peppers and some tomatoes. Unfortunately, I have never had a long enough growind season to be able to grow peppers and tomatoes are always a touchy thing. My tomato plants so far look as if they have been put through the ringer because of the weather instability so I doubt I will have any fresh garden ones this year. I have been blessed with children that absolutely LOVE spinach and I can’t seem to grow enough of it to keep them satisfied. LOL

So, since I missed another day of gym having taken an unexpected day off, today will be my leg workout day. While browsing leg/glute workout videos, I ran across one called the frog squat using dumbbells. I have been doing this move but with kettle bells and never had an idea what the move was called. Frog squats suit it perfectly! Here is a video on how to do frog squats. They are super effective on glutes, hamstrings and inner thighs. I love them! Jodi over at Truth2beingfit.com posted a post yesterday on some super effective leg/butt moves to help out us ladies/men who are working on our derriere areas! I have to admit that I am afraid to try out the smith machine because ( and this will seem silly to some of you) it is in the area of the gym where all the big workout equipment is and where all the BIG, BULKY men are. Now I am not in general afraid of the big, bulky men (some of them are ultra hot!) but, little me trying to use an unfamiliar piece of equipment in this environment is FREAKY! Funny how all the big, huge men seem to congregate to the same area of the gym eh?

Anyways, I am off to pick some more fresh spinach and find a spinach dip recipe to use it in. Any of you have a good spinach dip recipe you would like to share? I love spinach dip and just don’t get enough of it in my diet! LOL

And good news about my kids: my son is doing fine after his roll over. The lady in the other car is also doing fine. You would never know my son just had such a serious accident as he is up and about and everything healed. Just some stitches near his one eye visible. And my daughter is starting to regain her memory. Very exciting to hear her talk about things she had forgotten and she didn’t realize she was now remembering. Good, good days! Haven’t heard anything about my uncle yet but, I am sure everything is going good or my grandmother would have phoned me again.

Sticking it out…

In spite of all the crap that 2010 is throwing at my family this year and presently this week, I am sticking it out at the gym. I am making sure that I go each day regardless of the fact that my trainer is on holidays and I am under extreme stress. My working out at the gym is my way of burning off the stress and I feel SO much better afterwards. That is one of the main things I have learned over the past few months, that my intense workouts, running and weight lifting, relieves my stress, tension and frustration and I am a much happier person, able to deal with things. Today however I skipped the gym in order to hit the nearest Lululemon store to catch some of the crop pants on sale before they all sold out!

I bought all three (though the third one was not on sale) and a new power Y tank. And the great surprise was that I could go down another size in the pants! Yipey. Lululemon could very, very easily become an addiction for me. I absolutely LOVE their clothing but it is NOT in my budget so it is a rare treat when I can go shop there. You lulu lovers out there know what I mean! 🙂 I guess I will have to put my other lulu tank tops on Kijiji to sell as they are getting to big for me now.

So tomorrow will be my leg day at the gym since I missed out on today. One of the exercises I do is the squat on a bosu ball while holding some weights or a medicine ball. Working my legs is my favorite workout of the week. Tough but, if I want the rear, I need to do the work! LOL.

What’s with 2010?

I just don’t understand what the hell is with 2010 for me and my family. One trauma or disaster after another. This has been my weekend:

My grandmother called to tell me that my uncle ( my mom’s brother–lost my mom a year ago) was the victim of a hit and run and while in the hospital, had a heart attack. He is, as far as I know, recovery ok. I haven’t been able to get a hold of my grandmother as I don’t have her cell #.

My son was in a horrific car accident where his car was t-boned and rolled and thrown into a farm field. Thank god he had his seat belt on or he would have been dead! He got up and walked away where as the woman in the other car is seriously hurt as she had no seat belt on. She was the one who hit my son.

My oldest daughter fell down a flight of stairs and split her head open on the concrete, injured her hip and lower back and has lost her short term memory. The doc in not sure right now about whether or not she will regain it. And she was to start her brand new job today. I talked to her boss and she will hold my daughters job for her until she is fit to work. Thank you!

At this point I want nothing more than to put my youngest daughter in a bubble and not let her leave the house or my sight. But that is not practical! My youngest is staying with my oldest for now to help take care of her while her boyfriend works. And I go and help when I can.

Wish my family luck my friends as we sure seem to need it this year of 2010. I hate to waste my life but, right now I wish 2010 was over. 2011 can only be better for us.

A sample of abs….

Yesterday was an unexpected day off from working out at the gym since my trainer had some other things to deal with. So my leg workout is rescheduled for Friday instead. We have decided that for the next few weeks, my sessions with him will be one day of chest/shoulders/triceps or biceps, and one day of legs. I seem to have my back workouts down pat for now and can manage them on my own for awhile while my trainer helps me to concentrate on my ass and legs!! He loves to switch things up on a weekly basis which keeps my body shocked and my core working harder.

Always in my sessions we superset with ab work to keep me 1) doing my ab work, 2) strengthing my core, and 3) keep my heart rate up for maximum calorie burn.

And since I like to show you what exercises my trainer makes me do and we all love videos, I have here for you two videos of some of the ab work he has me doing.

This one really works the lower abs and I have to admit that I do whine to my trainer every time he makes me do them. He has me pull my bum up higher off the bench for maximum work.

This russian twist here took me a while to get the hang of as I kept falling off the ball. I takes some real concentration and stability to stay on the ball and keep your feet from lifting off the floor. If your feet move, you aren’t getting the full benefit to your obliques.

So here you go. These are just two of the many ab exercises I have to do. Some days I hate abs and some days I love them but, I am looking forward to the day that I can show off a mini six pack!! Tonight is my solo back day as well as cardio. I am going to try to get a few more mins of cardio in to try to boost my fat loss. I can’t really say weight loss any more as my weight depends on my workouts, my water, my salt, ect. But it’s my FAT that needs to go! 🙂

Wow…

I can’t believe it has been almost a month since I posted last. The really is no excuse for my MIA except that I have had absolutely nothing to say! Everything has been the same old, same old, day in and out. I have been busy with work and back and forth to my dad’s home to try to get him house cleaned out and appraised. Being that his home is 4 hours away, I have been spending weekends there at a time.

And I am still religiously attending the gym and seeing my trainer. The gym has become my second home and I am starting to meet new people there now that I am a regular! LOL. My hubby and I are the protegé of our trainer, he shows us off when approached by potential new clients. 🙂  There has been a great improvement in my physique over the past 2 months but no more fat loss. It has been very frustrating for me to not see a drop in the fat on my waist, hips, thighs and ass. I have spent many an hour contemplating why my fat loss has stopped and came to this realization:

—— before the gym, I worked out (cardio) for about 60 mins 6 days a week.

• Once I started the gym, because of  the time restraints, my fat burning/cardio sessions were reduced to 20-30 mins.
• And I realized that I was only doing them 4 times per week as Fridays were always a day hubby hates going to the gym so I didn’t either. Then we stayed home on the weekends for a break and to get caught up on household shit.
• So, upon reflection, I realized that I have been working out at weight maintenance  levels for almost three months now! You guys all know the rules: 3 or 4 times/week of exercise to maintain your weight, 5-6 times/week of exercise to lose weight. No wonder I have been at a complete halt in my weight loss in spite of my weight training! Less days of working out with less time while doing it! No wonder!

So my goal this week is to get back into my regular days (5-6) of cardio/fat burning workouts. And if I need to, add some extra time after my weight sessions to get more fat burning in! I think if I had actually sat down with my trainer to discuss my fat loss halt, we would have realized the problem 2 months ago and I would have been ahead right now. Plus, I really need to focus on getting in my water. I have been very, very slack in that department for the last few weeks and it is starting to show in my workouts. Sluggishness and quick fatigue! Smarten up me!!!  Kick my butt you guys! I need it!

How has everyone else been doing with their goals? I know it can be hard with the nice weather finally here to stick too it.

okay with it…

…my decision not the run the half marathon. I would have run it on Sunday the 23rd. I thought that once the day rolled by, I would be pissed at myself for not giving it a try. But I did know that I wasn’t in the right place for it in my head, or heart. I am so okay with it that my run yesterday was awesome, faster that usual, like I was free. I am thinking that the pressure of trying to train for it as well as grief I am feeling over the loss of my dad was just to much. I didn’t run a full 5 k straight, as I am sure I was running faster that usual and needed walk breaks but, it was the first time I was able to think of my dad while running without the big ball of grief and anger building up and stopping my run like usual. So I think the pressure of training for the half was hampering my runs since I really wasn’t ready in my head for the run. That’s okay though…I am okay with it and will aim for something later.

The gym yesterday was fantastic. It was weird though. Just as I arrived at the gym, I felt very dizzy and of balance. Kind of freaked my out but figured it was from all the junk I ate throughout the weekend and big, big lack of water through the weekend. I decided to head on in anyways, drink some water, and see if it would go away. Funny that while I RAN, I was fine. But, when I stopped to walk, I was VERY loopy. I don’t understand that! I was a little concerned that I wouldn’t be able to have my chest, shoulder, tri workout with my trainer. But once I got started with him, I felt much better except for when doing the stability ball crunches. The up and down movement made me very unbalanced on the ball from the dizziness. Weird. Everything else was fine though.

Funny story: My trainer admitted to me that he had eaten very crappy during the weekend, many chips ect.. So I admitted to him that I had done the same, though it would mean and extra tough ass kicking workout for me! (I deserved it though! ) Anyways, he introduced a move for the abs called ‘mountain climber’ to me ( I am sure some of you know exactly was this move is!) Very, very tough!  While doing my third set of  super sets with shoulder presses and ‘mountain climbers’, I finally turned and asked my trainer if he was making ME work off HIS chips!! 🙂 LOL. I thought planks were bad enough! He sure did give me an extra tough ass kicking workout. My stress is gone though! 🙂

Here’s a video of mountain climber: my trainer had me do them more slowly with a firmer core and more concentrated focus so there was no bouncing. Tough, tough on the abs!

pizza here I come…..

It has not been a great, restful weekend here.

The police have practically lived at my house this weekend.

Started off where my son decided to stunt while driving and the police showed up at the door to ticket him.

Then the police officer dealing with my daughters case with her ex boyfriend showed up to talk to us and my daughter about the case. Can you believe the idiot wants to come over and talk to us?

Next night, there was a big party 3 doors down and one of the guys car windows was smashed. Well, the guy who’s window was smashed happens to have a beef with my teenage son and decided to blame my son. Now the was a linch mob of about 30 teens screaming at my door for my son to get his ass out there. My son wasn’t even at home, having decided to have a sleep over at his friends. My hubby went out to see what was going on when they went after him. I had to call 911 and thankfully the cops were here before I even had a chance to finish explaining what was happening. I have never seen so many cops in this small town of mine. Thankfully when the cops wanted my son, he was sound asleep at his friends. Besides, why would my son be stupid enough to break a car window that was parked behind his own truck in front of our neighbors? We are scared for our son to be out now because they are threatening to FUBAR  our son when they get a hold of him. I just hope the police have kept track of who was making the threats in case anything happens.

On top of all this, my oldest daughter left out of anger at us for trying to make her get a job or at least contribute by doing housework. It turned out to be the best thing because she had no choice but to get a job and a place of her own. She will have to grow up now, she will be 19 soon.

Both mine and my hubby’s front ends on our vehicles went (bearings, ball-joints, bushings, tie-rods, you name it) costing us over $2500 so far in repairs. And that is with my hubby fixing them (he is a mechanic). Imagine if they had to go in the shop! And because of my front end, my tires started to separate, requiring me to need to buy new tires. I don’t even want to know how much more that will be!

So, all of this in the past couple of days, has driven me to emotional eating. Chips, dip, mega coffee, and now tonight pizza. Stuff your face pizza. I was aware of the fact that I was doing this but, was unable to stop myself. I have been under way to much unbearable stress lately and my coworkers have even mentioned to me that they don’t know how I haven’t had a break down yet, how I can still manage to be so strong. I think (and hope) that the pizza is the last of it (I am feeling REALLY crappy now). Thankfully tomorrow I will be at the gym and I will admit to my trainer about my food flip out weekend. And I will definitely and thankfully deserve any ass kicking he gives me for it. I will need to work extra hard to work off the damage from this weekend.

I sure hope the rest of you are having better weekends!!